The Tradition Trap

Number 2 in this series of 12 Traps

Dear Friends:

Explore again with Brent A Barlow ("Twelve Traps in Today's Marriage and How to Get Out of Them") and me the second trap:

The TRADITION TRAP:
The insistence that marriage today must be exactly as it has been in the past. (Mine, yours and/or theirs)

Tradition: The handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, and behaviour patterns from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth or by practice.

Who takes out the garbage at your house? Who do you think should? Why?
How "traditional" are you in your marriage?

When men expect their wives to be their mothers, or women expect their husbands to be their fathers, no one wins. "Tarzan and Jane" role expectations need to be examined by each spouse against current, individual, and couple, reality. If we don’t do this, and personally make necessary changes, we may continue to destroy each other in our marriage.

How can we learn to live with each other as genuine individuals? How can we collaborate and accomplish more flexible roles in our marriage? Perhaps some things should remain as they are, but other changes should be made and welcomed… eventually if not immediately. Some, perhaps many, "Tarzan and Jane" roles must give way if our marriage is going to survive at this present time!

How to get out of the TRADITION TRAP: LDS – Let’s Do Something!
Let ME do something! Even one little thing…
What are my beliefs about our marriage? Why?
What are my spouse’s beliefs about our marriage? Why?
What have I done/not done in our marriage so far? Why?
How can I THINK helpfully, differently, in the future?
What can I DO constructively, differently, in the future?

Often when people seek changes in a relationship, things get worse before they get better.
Persistence (correct vision, and correct application), and respect for both self and spouse,
despite any and all obstacles, from whatever quarter, pays.

Don’t expect immediate success. Give your impaired marriage adequate (plenty of) time for improvement. “Hoping isn’t coping.” “Show love by deeds.”

All together now – One, Two, Three: “Let the reformation begin with me!”