Exploring with Questions

Here are some questions for you to ask yourself that might help you explore so that you can begin to see your way forward in your life:

These questions can be gone through individually or together - use what is appropriate and problem solving in your marriage -
YOUR VISION AND ACTION CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR MARRIAGE.

Choose an issue in your marriage that you would like to explore.

Who are all of the other people involved in this issue?

What other areas of your lives are affected by this issue?

What developmental stages are each of us going through now?

What developmental stages are all the other people involved with this issue experiencing?

What about this issue might be dangerous/hazardous… to me/other(s)… in what ways?

Who believes what about this issue? What do I believe? What do the other(s) believe?
Examine each of the beliefs: which are good and true and useful? To whom?
Which of these beliefs (own/other(s)) are stereotypes… which are assumptions?

How is the way I am dealing with the situation helping ME/us? (I am always helped in some way or other by the way I/you deal with things)
Who else is helped by the way I am dealing with the situation?

How is the way I am dealing with this issue hindering ME/us? (I am always hindered in some way or other by the way I/you deal with things)

Who else is hindered, and in what way, by the way I am dealing with this issue?

In what way may “helping” not be helpful?

In what way may “hindering” not be hindering?

What other alternatives have I/we tried? With what results? Benefits/costs for whom?

Do I persist with methods that do not work for me/others? Why?

The more I … (fill in the blank) the more… (fill in the blank).
The less I… the less…

What are the effects of the way I am handling things? On me? On other(s)?
How are these consequences what I want?
How are the consequences what I do not want?

Are these consequences useful to anyone? Is this what I want?

What would I/we be busy with right now if I/we weren’t dealing with this issue?

What is the positive in this situation? (There is always something positive – not always desirable to me and/or others).

What is the negative in the situation? (There is always something negative – also not always desirable to me/others).

How can I turn my less effective words/actions/thoughts into more effective ones?

What am I gaining by holding my position on this issue?

What am I losing by maintaining my position on this issue?

Given a choice:
1. Carry on in the same way
2. Do/think/say something different/differently
3. Find out and deal with the underlying issues
Which alternative will I/do I choose? Why?

Will this change be a change towards/away from more effective living? Why?

Can I/we do it on my/our own? Do I/we need help? Who might be able to help me/us?

How will I/we go about getting help (if I/we need it)?

Where do I see a start/continuation to my/our journey in a different direction?

When will I make a change?

What might be stopping me from making a change?

What can I do about this obstacle to turn it into a stepping stone?

I/we will continue to explore until I begin to see and feel my/our path forward.

I will take one step at a time as long as I feel, through the promptings of the Spirit, that it is the right step to take in this circumstance at this time with the resources that are mine.

On your marks, me/us… get set… GROW!

- Sylvia Poss