The Box Exercise

Get two smallish boxes - decorate them both beautifully: one in dark, the other in light colours.

Each answer the following questions. Put your answer on pieces of paper - one per answer.

What have been my greatest joys in the past?
What are among my greatest joys right now?
What joys am I looking forward to in my future?
What have been my worst fears in my past?
What are my greatest fears right now?
What do I imagine will be some of my greatest fears in my future?
What helped me to feel peaceful in my past?
What promotes peaceful feelings in my life right now?
What might bring me peacefulness in my future?
What angered me in my past?
What angers me now?
What is likely to anger me in my years ahead?
When did I feel competent, confident, cheerful, in the past?
What are my experiences of feeling powerful in my present?
What are likely to be the reasons I might feel accepted and respected in my future?
What setbacks have I had in my past?
What setbacks have I had in the recent past or am I experiencing right now?
What setbacks might I have to deal with in my future?

Sort your answers into the two boxes:
Light and lovely recordings into the light box, dark and difficult recordings into the other.

When you want to, or when you need to, take out one of the slips in the box the opposite of what you are feeling right now.

If you are feeling gloomy, take out a slip of paper in the light and bright box; if you are feeling really chuffed with yourself, draw a slip from the darkly beautiful box.

Ask yourself:
What can I do about this?
Does this have any message for me right now?

Write your answers on another piece of paper and put the two together in your couple journal or scrapbook.

Decorate with drawings, photos, cuttings or words, whatever feels right to you.

Add to the boxes when you want to.
You do not have to deal with or process most things right away - do it when you feel able to, or need to.

Do the work with a professional if necessary.

"The headlines are screaming… These are the conditions under which we live… They do not define our life."

What helps me live my best way possible in my marriage for now - day to day, hour by hour?

Be realistic and practical.

"Try a little scrubbing to relieve your discontent when necessary. The bathroom or kitchen will be cleaner"

"Keep a lid on your individual (and collective) temper and self pity."

Write the miserable story on a piece of paper and put it in the dark box.

Acknowledge dark and light in your life.
Deal with the dark as well as the light when it is appropriate and when it suits you.

Ask for help, and get it. We all get stuck in the "moods" and "mud" or the "glitz" and "glory" of life at times.

With thanks to A. van Dyk for some of the ideas - The "Saturday Star"