How much friendship is there in your marriage?
Go through these questions and find out what you believe about marriage and friendship.
"Some people are born with the ability to make friends, and others are not." - In what ways do you agree with this statement? In what ways do you NOT agree?
Some people have more social skills than others." Agree/Disagree? How does this happen?
"I can have a variety of friends." Sports friends, family friends, hobby friends, work friends, personal friends, friends who share your sense of humour, political friends, spiritual friends… How do you see "varieties of friends"?
"I can find all that I need in one friend." In what ways might this be true/untrue?
What is the most difficult task for you to carry out in a friendship?
"You can judge a man by his friends." Do you agree/disagree? Why?
In what ways are you like some of your friends and unlike some other friends?
Do you think people should judge you by your friends? Why/Why not?
"There is no magic answer to the question of how to avoid suffering as well as joy in our friendships." What is your view on this statement?
How would you manage the difficulties of friendship better in future?
What can you do when a "friend" lets you down?
What can you do when a "friend" talks ugly about you behind your back?
What can you do when a "friend" breaks a confidence you shared?
What can you do if your "friend" ignores you?
What can you do if your "friend" bullies you openly or subtly?
What can you do if your "friend" tries to make you do something you don't want to do?
What can you do if your "friends" gang up on you?
What is a good way to meet new people who potentially can become your friends?
What are the differences between men as your friends and women as your friends?
Some people believe we must try not to arouse our friends' jealousy or envy by talking about
our abilities or good fortune. What do you think about that?
"A good marriage is based on friendship". Do you agree/disagree? Why?
"Some people are just too lazy or careless to behave to their spouse as a good friend, although
they are capable of doing it." In what ways do you agree/disagree about that statement?
In what way do you most commonly fail each other as friends?
Do you need to let some of your "friends" fade from your circle? Do you need to look around
for other potentially more mutually beneficial friends? What can you do about this?
Having thought about these questions and discussed some of them… is there anything
you would like to change about your friendshipping behaviour?
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Exploring with Questions
Here are some questions for you to ask yourself that might help you explore so that you can begin to see your way forward in your life:
These questions can be gone through individually or together - use what is appropriate and problem solving in your marriage -
YOUR VISION AND ACTION CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Choose an issue in your marriage that you would like to explore.
Who are all of the other people involved in this issue?
What other areas of your lives are affected by this issue?
What developmental stages are each of us going through now?
What developmental stages are all the other people involved with this issue experiencing?
What about this issue might be dangerous/hazardous… to me/other(s)… in what ways?
Who believes what about this issue? What do I believe? What do the other(s) believe?
Examine each of the beliefs: which are good and true and useful? To whom?
Which of these beliefs (own/other(s)) are stereotypes… which are assumptions?
How is the way I am dealing with the situation helping ME/us? (I am always helped in some way or other by the way I/you deal with things)
Who else is helped by the way I am dealing with the situation?
How is the way I am dealing with this issue hindering ME/us? (I am always hindered in some way or other by the way I/you deal with things)
Who else is hindered, and in what way, by the way I am dealing with this issue?
In what way may “helping” not be helpful?
In what way may “hindering” not be hindering?
What other alternatives have I/we tried? With what results? Benefits/costs for whom?
Do I persist with methods that do not work for me/others? Why?
The more I … (fill in the blank) the more… (fill in the blank).
The less I… the less…
What are the effects of the way I am handling things? On me? On other(s)?
How are these consequences what I want?
How are the consequences what I do not want?
Are these consequences useful to anyone? Is this what I want?
What would I/we be busy with right now if I/we weren’t dealing with this issue?
What is the positive in this situation? (There is always something positive – not always desirable to me and/or others).
What is the negative in the situation? (There is always something negative – also not always desirable to me/others).
How can I turn my less effective words/actions/thoughts into more effective ones?
What am I gaining by holding my position on this issue?
What am I losing by maintaining my position on this issue?
Given a choice:
1. Carry on in the same way
2. Do/think/say something different/differently
3. Find out and deal with the underlying issues
Which alternative will I/do I choose? Why?
Will this change be a change towards/away from more effective living? Why?
Can I/we do it on my/our own? Do I/we need help? Who might be able to help me/us?
How will I/we go about getting help (if I/we need it)?
Where do I see a start/continuation to my/our journey in a different direction?
When will I make a change?
What might be stopping me from making a change?
What can I do about this obstacle to turn it into a stepping stone?
I/we will continue to explore until I begin to see and feel my/our path forward.
I will take one step at a time as long as I feel, through the promptings of the Spirit, that it is the right step to take in this circumstance at this time with the resources that are mine.
On your marks, me/us… get set… GROW!
- Sylvia Poss
These questions can be gone through individually or together - use what is appropriate and problem solving in your marriage -
YOUR VISION AND ACTION CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Choose an issue in your marriage that you would like to explore.
Who are all of the other people involved in this issue?
What other areas of your lives are affected by this issue?
What developmental stages are each of us going through now?
What developmental stages are all the other people involved with this issue experiencing?
What about this issue might be dangerous/hazardous… to me/other(s)… in what ways?
Who believes what about this issue? What do I believe? What do the other(s) believe?
Examine each of the beliefs: which are good and true and useful? To whom?
Which of these beliefs (own/other(s)) are stereotypes… which are assumptions?
How is the way I am dealing with the situation helping ME/us? (I am always helped in some way or other by the way I/you deal with things)
Who else is helped by the way I am dealing with the situation?
How is the way I am dealing with this issue hindering ME/us? (I am always hindered in some way or other by the way I/you deal with things)
Who else is hindered, and in what way, by the way I am dealing with this issue?
In what way may “helping” not be helpful?
In what way may “hindering” not be hindering?
What other alternatives have I/we tried? With what results? Benefits/costs for whom?
Do I persist with methods that do not work for me/others? Why?
The more I … (fill in the blank) the more… (fill in the blank).
The less I… the less…
What are the effects of the way I am handling things? On me? On other(s)?
How are these consequences what I want?
How are the consequences what I do not want?
Are these consequences useful to anyone? Is this what I want?
What would I/we be busy with right now if I/we weren’t dealing with this issue?
What is the positive in this situation? (There is always something positive – not always desirable to me and/or others).
What is the negative in the situation? (There is always something negative – also not always desirable to me/others).
How can I turn my less effective words/actions/thoughts into more effective ones?
What am I gaining by holding my position on this issue?
What am I losing by maintaining my position on this issue?
Given a choice:
1. Carry on in the same way
2. Do/think/say something different/differently
3. Find out and deal with the underlying issues
Which alternative will I/do I choose? Why?
Will this change be a change towards/away from more effective living? Why?
Can I/we do it on my/our own? Do I/we need help? Who might be able to help me/us?
How will I/we go about getting help (if I/we need it)?
Where do I see a start/continuation to my/our journey in a different direction?
When will I make a change?
What might be stopping me from making a change?
What can I do about this obstacle to turn it into a stepping stone?
I/we will continue to explore until I begin to see and feel my/our path forward.
I will take one step at a time as long as I feel, through the promptings of the Spirit, that it is the right step to take in this circumstance at this time with the resources that are mine.
On your marks, me/us… get set… GROW!
- Sylvia Poss
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