1 You can’t make your spouse love you, and NOBODY else can make you happy – or unhappy.
2 Try all you want, YOU’LL never change your spouse. However, if you improve yourself, he or she may also decide to make some changes.
3 You didn’t marry your spouse, you married an illusion of your spouse. (What a surprise to discover that your spouse is as human as you are.)
4 A real marriage begins at the point that your illusion truly ENDS. The challenge of your marriage is to discover who YOU actually are, as well as the REAL person you married.
5 Love is only one of the reasons you chose your spouse. (Sometimes it’s not the most important reason.)
6 Most likely, the qualities in your spouse that drive you crazy now, are the same ones (labelled differently) that first attracted you.
7 It’s impossible to go through your growing relationship without experiencing periods of INTENSE pain and loneliness.
8 The greatest gift you can give your children is persistence, patience, and a growing, loving, respectful marriage to their other parent.
9 Your marriage succeeds when you each realise that your spouse’s needs are at least as important as your own.
10 Marriage is the best opportunity to grow, overcome selfishness and learn how to love deeply and well.
Learn every day how to more effectively nurture yourself and your growing marriage.
GROW UP. Get Rid Of (your) Weaknesses Under Pressure.
Originally from: (Michael Tobin, James Framo)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Love...
"You come to love, not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
Sam Keen - seen at Anna Paula Coffee Shop
Sam Keen - seen at Anna Paula Coffee Shop
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Change
"God is not so interested in changing your circumstances as He is in changing... you."
Joyce Meyer
Joyce Meyer
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunset
"One of the most satisfying experiences I know is to fully appreciate an individual in the same way I appreciate a sunset. When I look at a sunset... I don't find myself saying 'Soften the orange a little more on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud colour...' I don't try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds."
Carl Rogers
Carl Rogers
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Vengeance
"Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.
Words of compassion are better than a gun - even if it is slower."
Movie - "The Interpreter"
Words of compassion are better than a gun - even if it is slower."
Movie - "The Interpreter"
Monday, October 25, 2010
Persuade, Negotiate, Argue
Persuading, Negotiating and Arguing are valuable skills to develop.
Discover and practice how to use these important skills effectively.
If we are going to need to use these tough skills, and we all have to on occasion when critical conversations take place, we might as well be deft and graciously as successful as possible in facilitating what needs to be done for the best of all the people involved!
A good book: "Getting to Yes" Roger Fisher and William L Ury
Discover and practice how to use these important skills effectively.
If we are going to need to use these tough skills, and we all have to on occasion when critical conversations take place, we might as well be deft and graciously as successful as possible in facilitating what needs to be done for the best of all the people involved!
A good book: "Getting to Yes" Roger Fisher and William L Ury
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sponge People
Your'e talking to someone and suddenly you feel tense, angry, sad.
Why is that? you wonder.
Your'e spongy. Some people put out a lot of emotional energy, and spongy people suck it up.
Not everyone is spongy.
Those of us who are, can learn to protect ourselves from taking in any other person's negative and harmful stress.
Here's how to construct your suit of psychological armour.
Remember - ARMOUR UP.
A
ACKNOWLEDGE
When you feel uneasy in any company, acknowledge it to yourself.
Learn to know when you feel uneasy, especially with the same people time after time.
R
RECOGNISE
Learn to realise when YOUR feeling actually fits THE PERSON you are talking to.
YOU'RE angry when SHE has been wronged.
YOU are anxious when HE is stressed.
M
MONITOR yourself.
Monitor how you feel when in the company of different kinds of people.
Monitor how you feel before contact, during contact and after contact with various people.
O
OBSERVE
As a highly contagious person gets closer to you, watch them and also yourself.
See what happens - to you and to them.
Are THEY sending out their negativity towards YOU?
Do they often send out subtle or obvious negativity to whoever is around them?
U
UNDERSTAND
Few contagious people are deliberately trying to contaminate you.
The way they are "put together" frees you to tap into your compassion for them.
R
RELAX
If simply noticing all the extra sensations rattling around you and inside you isn't enough…
Take a deep breath.
Exhale.
Relax all your muscles.
Negative Energy (yours, and also theirs) will lessen - if only a little at first.
SPACE
Create physical space and distance as soon as possible from emotionally contagious people.
Walk away - graciously.
Take a loo break.
When you are away: Breathe deeply. Relax.
THINK. VISUALISE the best DAY, the best PLACE, the HARMONY you want with them…
Go to your place of Inner Peace.
Meditate.
Pray.
Be still.
Regain your own composure.
U
UNHOOK
from the toxicity between you and any other person.
Stop trying to change/control anything of what they are feeling.
Allow the other person to be exactly as they are right now.
Don't get pulled down into their problems.
P
PROTECT yourself.
Return to your visualisations that connect you to your peaceful core self.
Spend a few minutes a day visualising the confidence, peace and harmony you want in your relationship with them.
The only use you will be to them, and the only way to survive in relationship with them is… Armour Up.
If you are spongy and vulnerable to the unsettling energy of others, count yourself lucky because you now know you need to ARMOUR UP.
Create your own beautiful, protective, shining suit of Armour.
Consciously screen out the stresses that afflict you and all the rest of humanity.
Be with, but not of, them...
Remember your ARMOUR UP list.
Head out into your daily interactions with your fellow men, effectively clad.
The power to keep yourself safe from any contaminations from others has to be developed by you, for yourself.
From: Martha Beck - O 08/06 p31
Why is that? you wonder.
Your'e spongy. Some people put out a lot of emotional energy, and spongy people suck it up.
Not everyone is spongy.
Those of us who are, can learn to protect ourselves from taking in any other person's negative and harmful stress.
Here's how to construct your suit of psychological armour.
Remember - ARMOUR UP.
A
ACKNOWLEDGE
When you feel uneasy in any company, acknowledge it to yourself.
Learn to know when you feel uneasy, especially with the same people time after time.
R
RECOGNISE
Learn to realise when YOUR feeling actually fits THE PERSON you are talking to.
YOU'RE angry when SHE has been wronged.
YOU are anxious when HE is stressed.
M
MONITOR yourself.
Monitor how you feel when in the company of different kinds of people.
Monitor how you feel before contact, during contact and after contact with various people.
O
OBSERVE
As a highly contagious person gets closer to you, watch them and also yourself.
See what happens - to you and to them.
Are THEY sending out their negativity towards YOU?
Do they often send out subtle or obvious negativity to whoever is around them?
U
UNDERSTAND
Few contagious people are deliberately trying to contaminate you.
The way they are "put together" frees you to tap into your compassion for them.
R
RELAX
If simply noticing all the extra sensations rattling around you and inside you isn't enough…
Take a deep breath.
Exhale.
Relax all your muscles.
Negative Energy (yours, and also theirs) will lessen - if only a little at first.
SPACE
Create physical space and distance as soon as possible from emotionally contagious people.
Walk away - graciously.
Take a loo break.
When you are away: Breathe deeply. Relax.
THINK. VISUALISE the best DAY, the best PLACE, the HARMONY you want with them…
Go to your place of Inner Peace.
Meditate.
Pray.
Be still.
Regain your own composure.
U
UNHOOK
from the toxicity between you and any other person.
Stop trying to change/control anything of what they are feeling.
Allow the other person to be exactly as they are right now.
Don't get pulled down into their problems.
P
PROTECT yourself.
Return to your visualisations that connect you to your peaceful core self.
Spend a few minutes a day visualising the confidence, peace and harmony you want in your relationship with them.
The only use you will be to them, and the only way to survive in relationship with them is… Armour Up.
If you are spongy and vulnerable to the unsettling energy of others, count yourself lucky because you now know you need to ARMOUR UP.
Create your own beautiful, protective, shining suit of Armour.
Consciously screen out the stresses that afflict you and all the rest of humanity.
Be with, but not of, them...
Remember your ARMOUR UP list.
Head out into your daily interactions with your fellow men, effectively clad.
The power to keep yourself safe from any contaminations from others has to be developed by you, for yourself.
From: Martha Beck - O 08/06 p31
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