Imagine yourself in a situation in each statement where your wishes are different to another/s.
Get a piece of paper and write at the top of columns:
CF, CP, CS, AW, AS. As you go through the questions, sort your answers into the five columns. (You might use both alternatives in each number - mark both columns if that is the case.)
1
A=AW
There are times when I let others take responsibility for solving the problem.
B=AS
Rather than negotiate an agreement, I try to resolve only what the other and I can agree on.
2
A =CS
I tend to find a compromise for both parties during our differing times.
B=CP
I try to soothe the other person's feelings to preserve the relationship.
3
A=CF
I usually remain firm in the pursuit of my goals.
B =AS
I try to comfort the other to preserve the relationship.
4
A=CS
I try to find a compromise when I am faced with different points of view.
B=AS
I sometimes sacrifice my own point of view for that of another person.
5
A=CP
I consistently seek help in resolving differences.
B=AW
I usually try to resolve differences on my own.
6
A=AW
I am willing to do what is necessary to avoid tension when I differ with another.
B =CF
I try to win my position.
7
A=AW
I try to postpone dealing with differences until I have had time to think over the situation.
B=CS
I will concede some of my points in exchange for others.
8
A=CF
I do not often change/modify my goals.
B=CP
I attempt to get all concerns and issues immediately out in the open.
9
A=AW
Differences are not always worth worrying about.
B=CF
I make some effort to get my way in spite of immediate differences.
10
A=CF
I'm firm in expressing and pursuing my goals.
B=CS
I try to find a compromise solution.
11
A=CP
I attempt to get all the differences out in the open as soon as possible.
B=AS
I might try to soothe the other person's feelings to preserve the relationship.
12
A=AW
I sometimes avoid taking a position that would create controversial differences.
B=CS
I'll concede certain issues to the other person if he/she will concede some to me.
13
A=CS
I will propose finding a middle ground.
B=CF
I press issues of difference to make my points.
14
A=CP
I tell the other person my ideas and ask for his/hers in return.
B=CF
I try to persuade the other party to accept the merits of my position.
15
A=AS
I might try to soothe the other person's feelings to preserve the relationship, despite our differences.
B=AW
I try to do what is necessary to avoid tension when there are differences.
16
A=AS
I try not to hurt other's feelings if we have differences.
B=CF
I try fervently to persuade the other/s to understand and accept my point of view.
17
A=CF
I'm usually unyielding in pursuing my goals.
B=AW
I don't try to convince the other person to accept the merits of my position.
18
A=AS
If it makes the other person happy, I might let a group maintain their point of view.
B=CS
I'll concede certain issues to the other person if he/she will concede some to me.
19
A=CP
I try to get all concerns and issues immediately out in the open.
B=AW
I try to postpone the issue until I've had time to think it over.
20
A=CP
I immediately attempt to work through the differences people have between them.
B=CS
I try to find a fair balance of gains and losses for both people.
21
A=AS
In approaching negotiations, I try to consider the other person's wishes.
B=CP
I always lean toward a direct discussion of the problem.
22
A=CS
I try to find a position intermediate between the other's position and my own.
B=CF
I try to convince the other person of the strengths of my position.
23
A=CP
I'm often concerned with satisfying everyone's wishes.
B=AW
At times, I let others take responsibility for solving our problems.
24
A=AS
If another person's position seems very important to them, I try to meet their wishes.
B=CS
I try to get the other person to compromise his/her position.
25
A=CF
I try to show the other person the advantages of my position.
B=AS
In approaching negotiations, I try to be considerate of the other person's wishes.
26
A=CS
I propose a middle ground to resolve differences.
B=CP
I'm nearly always concerned with satisfying the wishes of all parties.
27
A=AW
I sometimes avoid taking positions that would create controversy.
B=AS
To make the other person happy, I might concede my differences and accept their opinion.
28
A=CF
I usually focussed on pursuing my goals, sometimes relentlessly.
B=CP
I usually seek the other person's help in working out a solution to our differences.
29
A=CS
I propose a middle ground to resolve differences.
B=AW
I feel the differences are not worth worrying about.
30
A=AS
I try not to hurt the other person's feelings.
B=CP
I communicate the problem to the other so we can work our our differences.
Now SCORE YOURSELF:
Count up how many you have for each of CF, CP, CS, AW, AS.
EXPLANATION:
CF is Competing and Forcing
CP is Collaborating and Problem Solving
CS is Compromising and Sharing
AW is Avoiding and Withdrawing
AS is Accomodating and Smoothing
Thank you: "Managing Differences" Geri McArdle
All of the different styles will be problem solving in different circumstances and with different people - it sometimes also depends on their age (and your age) as well.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION:
Which have you discovered is your favoured style?
In what ways is this surprising to you?
In which circumstances is your usual style problem solving?
Problem solving for whom?
Which styles of dealing with differences were less known to you before?
In which circumstances is your usual style problem creating?
Problem creating for whom?
Which styles work with which people in your life?
Which styles do not work with which people?
Which style is frustrating for you?
Which styles feel risky/dangerous to you?
How can you increase your ways of dealing with differences?
Who do you know who uses a style you need to/want to learn?
How can you learn from them?
Who can you talk to about this exercise?
What are you learning about yourself?
What are you learning about your spouse?
What will you do differently in the next week?
What will you do differently the next time you differ with someone?
What will you do differently the next time you are in a group and differ with the group?
